some thoughts

This whole experience has been so enlightening. Coming from a world where I was so oblivious to such a thing, this is a really huge eye opener.
but all in all, idk what to say about this place...i think i have mixed feelings...soo these are people some have graduated from college, had bad mishaps fell into drugs alchohol and never got their life back together and lost everything. when a person loses hope, they lose a part of themselves. there is a guy named danny who has been telling me quite a bit of stuff. he went to college was in a frat, had an accounting degree, worked for a few years, then had an anierism (blood vessel poppin in the brain) --his marraige went downhill, got restricted from seeing his kids, couldnt work and was disabled for life...what does one do when they are in the situation--he kept drinking and when he coudnt pay the bills and drinking took a toll of him, that was it, he came here. and now he claims that its home here...he gets about $800 from the gov for his dissability every month--he eats out, goes to the bar,buys cigs lives the life...he doesnt want nething else in this life anymore- he doesnt care about neone or anything--its just him now. he goes to the bar everyday from 8 am to about 2:30 pm. drinks 7 beers and comes back, eats and reads and sleeps. He said that he doesnt drink everyday, but every other day. so, i asked him that why doesnt he just quit, and well he said that he has to be drinking in order to come back to the shelter.
Another guy we met was this kenyan dude. and, he just couldn't understand the fact that we were all here from our own will. that we came here for "fun" and not on some pre-requisite or for credits. we just wanted to see this kind of life. i guess in that perspective it sounds strange of how why ne one would want to see the miserable life of a homeless person and i guess that is what is most mind boggling for them. But, he did bring up a very good point, why the hell are we all here? what's our purpose? to see boston? to see screw ups and know never to have a life like that? In their eyes, how can one possibly be enjoying this? But, the truth of the matter is that we are all here to see the side of life that we have been completely oblivious and hidden to.

Personally speaking, I was completely oblivious to this lifestyle. Of course we have all seen it. I grew up in India, I have seen slums, I have seen how people live to survive in this world. I pass the streets of Chicago and Madison, and their are homeless everywhere. But, what do we do? pass them by, ignore them, and forget about them a second later. Why should i give my money to someone who was so irresponsible? But, I guess the biggest thing that i've understood is that which may seem really obvious and simple and is taken for granted is the fact that even if they are homeless, they are in no means lower than you. These people still have a heart, and you know what, they have good in them. They may be liars, robbers, ex-assaulters, addicts...etc. But, in the end of the day, they are just some people who got caught in some bad decisions or unfortunate events and are stuck in this lifestyle. So, the next time you pass a homeless person, say hi to them. Don't just ignore them, you don't need to give them money, but treat them as a human, someone who is the same level.But, back to the Kenyan guy. So, he came in to this country to become a pilot. He went to Austin for a masters in aviation. And, of course him being an international student and on a visa, he prob didn't get a job where they would sponsor him. So, he went to DC to live with his sister. And, with enough rejection on his shoulders, went thru a bunch of telemarketing and sales jobs, and fell into alcohol and drugs. And, now even if he gathered enough money to go back to Kenya, he couldn't. He left his country as a hero and now the expectations they had for him is beyond his reach completely. One point that I always have against this who thing is that you can always change if you put your mind to it. But, I guess for them, they don't have any support system. And, the 5 day detox program or any program is not enough to get them to quit completely. It needs to be in them to follow through and get help. And, to get that first initial pull to get out and change their life around, they need a major support to guide them. And, sometimes some people can handle without but most cant. And, then they just take the guide of their bottle for any support and leave any progress way far behind.
I talked to another guy, Link, and he is from Honduras. He had a crazy story as well of him trying to illegally come into the US. And, as he was passing Mexico to go to the US, he met this girl who eventually became his g/f and stayed wiht her for 8 years. And, after that relationship ended, he has been hitchhiking his way up through out the US. It's so crazy of how many things we don't hear or every know about. He was telling me about so many different busses and routes that get him get through illegally. It was kinda hard to follow his story too, because he went all over the place. That's another thing, these people know you know they are homeless. Yet, they will never act like it. They will make loopholes around the story to avoid the truth. You only want to say the things that you want to believe. It makes sense, why would they spill their failures to some stranger? But, neways, so Link has been living under a bridge for the past 6 years. And, the shelter has even gotten him frikin housing!!!!! the housing that people wait years adn years to get. And, they just got it for him flat out studio apartment completely free. And, you know what he absolutely refused. He would rather live under a bridge then live in a normal home. And, the thing with that is the bridge is his home. Like many others, he doesn't consider himself homeless. It's become a part of him, and to him, the bridge gives him freedom to live whatever way he wants.
Another guy I talked to was Leo. It was a very interesting as he started the conversation with the fact that everyone thinks he is a nut. And, then we debated whether he was insane or sane. And, in reality, one cannot really define such a term without comparing to what is considered normal. And, once again, how can one define being normal? What is normal? someone who is stable? intelligent? But, what if you were you were in a homeless shelter with a bunch of alcholics, would you still be normal in that environment? The fact is that we are all "sane" or "insane" in ourselves. It's what we want to be seen as. He is probably considered as a nut becuase he makes up stories and has a mental illness and is a chronic illness. But, come on, with a guy with so many failures, even if in reality he was sane, he would want people to think he was insane. Although his stories once again didn't seem to quite match up, he was just a man who wanted someone to hear him out. He was a victim of someone living in a life where he lost everything including his love. And, instead of doing something about it, he has fallen into the trap of having alchohol as his comfort zone. And then I told him my views on how I think if he puts his mind to it he can change and all my schpeel. And, this entire time that we got here I realized its really hard to make a difference around her. Our one week of stay in the shelter is not going to do nething. We cannot change any minds, we cannot change the system, the facts, nothing. We serve them, talk them for one week, and then we are gone out of their lives forever. but, that conversation just hit me. We were laughing, talking about so called "philosophical" things. Me acting like his psychiatrist. And, he said that you know what I will always remember you and this conversation. And, you know he may have still been drunk at the time, and he may not be trustworthy of his words, but the next morning, he repeated those exact same words. And, its just those things where I know that at least he'll remember the things i said. He doesn't have to follow any of them, but at least he'll remember.
So, me and Britanny went on the outreach the other day. And, some of things are really mind boggling. Like hearing about the whole housing process, and the social security bs is frkin crazzy. SO this social security thing: so if one person applies for it, they end up giving you a lump sum. So, they'll give the entire amount in your name in one check. Meaning a grand check of $40,000-60,000. Now imagine an addict getting such a grand check? What is he gonna do? The entire money ends up being wasted in booze, cigs, motels and bam, broke again. And, they don't get any assistance with manning thier money unless they are qualified as a mental disease patient. And, even if you wanted to put money in the bank, you can only put in $2000 in your account from social security!!!! $2000!!!! So that is pretty much telling them to waste their money.When it all comes down to it, its all just kinda depressing cus its hard to change anything. You can't help a person unless they get the urge to change. People like Danny who have claimed the shelter their home will never be helped until the day he decides he wants a different life. But, there is definetely so much hope.
All in all, this program is really great. We went to a tour with this lady Gwen, the director of Development for CASPAR. She showed us the many programs available. Half houses for men and women trying to get sober, facilities for working men/women to get them back on their feet, counseling, therapy, day shelters, food pantries---everything. There are so many resources to make sure that people are safe and don't die. We saw Pine Street today, which is a way bigger wet shelter than CASPAR. CASPAR has about a 100 beds, and Pine Street has 600. But, with such a huge shelter, it was just overwhelming to see that homelessness has become a business, a corporation. It was like a hotel, and everything about the numbers, the cost. Its just sucks that everything everything is dependent on gov funding, and as soon as even one bed isn't taken, funding decreases. The homeless population of Boston is 7000 and the shelter takes care of little over a thousand. And, the lady at Pine Street kept bringing up the fact that so many of their amazing programs will be cut due to the decreased gov funding. its just hard to know all that you know?But, besides all that, the thing that is really great is the fact that most of the employees were previous addicts, and some even used to live in the same shelters they work at now. Looking at those people, you know that there is hope. Homelessness/addiction is not hopeless at all. And, its just amazing to meet people like that and see what a great job that they are really doing.
Today i had to do maintenance. I actually had to broom the entire women's bathroom, women's dorm and then mop it. And, then i had to vaccum the cieling with a huge vaccum machine on my back looking like an idiot trying to get all the spots way up high in the cieling being my very tall ( 5'2) self. But, after a lot of sweat and labor, the guy who we worked for gave me a ring. It said "need for thanks" and he reiterated that fact, and how we should always stay in school. it sounds really cheesy, but after meeting so many people, its incredible how lucky we are. These people would kill to go to school to make that extra dollar, and live a little easier.and i guess i always judge people like that. But, it was just so real and sad and it hit me. We take money for granted, we take our lifestyle for granted, our wealth and comfort. People have to work so hard to make a living, It definetely puts things in perspective.