Just a quick update! Shuchi can now be referred to as Shoe String....the hilarious Outreach guys (Stevie and Duffy) decided they couldn't pronoune or remember her real name. Also, for some reason, we've discovered something that we all have in common: a fascination with scary movies, specifically those involving demonic possession? We watched The Exorcist on Jay's computer yesterday afternoon (just, odd timing & movie choice all around, right?) And then last night had a movie night and watched The Exorcism of Emily Rose. This is how we spend our down time at the shelter....haha! I hear its roughly -30 in Wisconsin....stay warm everyone! My poor car is probably dead in the parking lot of Oak Tree apartments as we speak :(
Right now some of our group is going along with Megan, the woman in charge here, to pick up food from a food pantry & bring it back here. Christine is cooking lunch, she's such an open & friendly woman, and an AMAZING cook. I got to talking to her & she, similar to many of the staff here, was also an addict not too long ago. She's 46 and now has a daughter who is a sophomore in college. It is really heartwarming to see thriving, happy people who were once in the same sad position as some of the people who are in the shelter now.
We've gotten to know most of the folks in the Access Program, which is an program for those who are on their way to complete sobriety. They help with the cleaning & are really prominent around here. I talked to one of them yesterday, he told me he wasn't feeling well & I asked him what was wrong & he told me "its the withdrawal...". Even though its a sensitive subject, I could tell that he was happy just to have someone care about how he is doing...very motivating to continue in this field of work (for me anyway). We also met a couple, Nicole and Scott, who were both IV drug users and are now trying to get into the Access Program. We hadn't seen them for a day or two, and then yesterday saw Scott come into the shelter by himself. A few of us asked him where his wife was, and he sadly told us that she owed jail time (40 days, for mouthing off to a cop I think) and was serving it so she could have a clean slate and get on the road to sobriety. We could tell he was sad, but at the same time, he had hope for the two of them and their life once she got out. Although a lot of the people we encounter seem to have no intention of quitting this lifestyle, the ones that really DO want to change their life are the ones that give me hope for all of them.
Brit
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
its getting colder!
Hello again from Boston! We've been checking the weather and hope that you all are surviving the negative temperatures back home. Relatively speaking, its not AS cold here but today it dropped below 20 while we were out and about so, needless to say my feet are happy that I am inside writing this!
We've gotten into sort of a routine here at CASPAR, its becoming much like home, and the shelter and the city are going to be hard to leave in 2 and a half days! The last few days, for me, have been spent preparing and serving the meals for the folks here, and relaxing in our room as well. Each day my insight into the lifestyles of these people grows larger and larger, and I am very grateful for everything that I can take in. One of the main, most important things I've learned here is just that; homelessness is a lifestyle. Every homeless person is not the same, some are addicts (like the ones we are interacting with), some are mentally disabled, some are both, some are neither. There is not one specific cause of homelessness, but rather it seems to me that each of these individuals have had a combination of things happen to them that causes their state. Drugs and alcohol only further the snow-ball affect of your life falling apart, that leads to homelessness. For some it is frustrating to look at those who DO have money (SS, Disability, trust funds, etc), and who are addicted to drugs/alcohol and CAN become clean, and wonder why they don't?? It is because this is their lifestyle, it is the closest thing they have to comfort. Someone who is out of their mind with despair, loneliness, and an out of control addiction, can be warm and fed in a shelter, without stopping feeding their addictions. Just like being a college student, a soccer mom, or a corporate CEO, are all very different, unique ways of life, I've come to learn that homelessness is also. Despite the fact that physical addiction in itself is the hardest thing to overcome, giving up the lifestyle that (although it may not be ideal) you are familiar and comfortable with, is not something people will necessarily jump at the chance to do. I make sure to keep that in mind as I talk to different residents here and hear their stories. Last night I talked to Mary (28 yrs) and Peter (27yrs) , two of the youngest regulars here, for quite some time. They both were/are IV drug users who are back and forth with contemplation of sobriety. Mary's story is an example of how plain & simple bad luck can land you homeless, hungry, and substance-addicted. Long story short, she grew up in a rough household with siblings who were users (two of them have recently died of overdoses), and a mother who had no patience for her. Mary was in college, going for psychology, and got addicted to Oxycontins. The OC's led to stronger, more dangerous drugs, and lead her to the life she leads now. She has two young children who her mother has court ordered her not to be able to see (or talk to), and is trying to get sober so she can have visitation for her kids. She is also an example of how MOST homeless are dual-diagnoses; mental problems as well as drug problems. She's on all kinds of anti-psychotic, anti-anxiety, depression meds. The combination of the depression/anxiety, meds, worries about her children, keeps her on a path of drug seeking behavior. I could tell that she wants SO BAD to get out of it, but there is no support for her, and someone as unstable as she is is not going to be able to do it on her own. It really really REALLY shows me how important this kind of work is....
I was never a judgemental person to begin with, but when I go back into my normal semester routine in Madison, I am going to see homeless people in a COMPLETELY different light. I never was one to give them money, because I knew most were users. I will still stick to that, but, like Shuchi said, I'm going to see past the plastic cup and the cat-calls and remember the people in this shelter, and their stories, and their hopes for the future, and I'm going to make sure that I treat them all as human beings. I really am going to miss this place so much when we leave! I love knowing the residents on a name-to-name basis, knowing where they "hang out", their stories, etc. I am also going to miss BOSTON in general...I am officially in love with this city. Two nights ago we went to a hookah bar right near the shelter (when someone told Stevie (the Outreach guy) about the hookah bar, he thought we said HOOKER BAR. Obviously hookah is a new fad...!) Then we took the subway (which in itself was awesome, I didnt want to seem like a cheesy tourist because the Bostonians are definately used to subways, but I'd only seen subways in movies/TV!) to North Station, and got off right across from the Garden (the arena where the Celtics play). We took a look in the Garden, and then headed out with the crowd leaving the Celtics game. We found our way to a Litte Italy of sorts...probably was much cuter during the day but walking down dark, cobblestone, narrow streets at night was semi-sketch...but we made it! And found a cute bakery with yummy canolis & other desserts. Then today we took the bus to Harvard Square, which is basically the equivalent of State Street for Harvard. Lots of shops & restaurants. Harvard is BEAUTIFUL...makes me wish I was smarter!! (Kidding! I love Madison!) We found the Common area of Harvard Law School (the equivalent of our Memorial Union/Rathskeller). It was veeery fancy....as nice as it was, it made me realize how much I love the broken in wooden chairs and pitchers of beer at our Union! We also got icecream at J.P. Licks, a Boston-area icecream place that we've been told to try.
Its almost time for dinner....as much as we all keep throwing around ideas of going out to eat, the food at the shelter is surprisingly good!! We all have to help out serving the meal, and usually end up eating it too...plans for take-out dinner have been continuously falling through :) But it also is really rewarding to continue getting to know everyone at the shelter. Friday we have the entire day free so we will most likely do a nice, sit down, group dinner, as a last hoorah before we head back to the WI.
BYE!
Brit
We've gotten into sort of a routine here at CASPAR, its becoming much like home, and the shelter and the city are going to be hard to leave in 2 and a half days! The last few days, for me, have been spent preparing and serving the meals for the folks here, and relaxing in our room as well. Each day my insight into the lifestyles of these people grows larger and larger, and I am very grateful for everything that I can take in. One of the main, most important things I've learned here is just that; homelessness is a lifestyle. Every homeless person is not the same, some are addicts (like the ones we are interacting with), some are mentally disabled, some are both, some are neither. There is not one specific cause of homelessness, but rather it seems to me that each of these individuals have had a combination of things happen to them that causes their state. Drugs and alcohol only further the snow-ball affect of your life falling apart, that leads to homelessness. For some it is frustrating to look at those who DO have money (SS, Disability, trust funds, etc), and who are addicted to drugs/alcohol and CAN become clean, and wonder why they don't?? It is because this is their lifestyle, it is the closest thing they have to comfort. Someone who is out of their mind with despair, loneliness, and an out of control addiction, can be warm and fed in a shelter, without stopping feeding their addictions. Just like being a college student, a soccer mom, or a corporate CEO, are all very different, unique ways of life, I've come to learn that homelessness is also. Despite the fact that physical addiction in itself is the hardest thing to overcome, giving up the lifestyle that (although it may not be ideal) you are familiar and comfortable with, is not something people will necessarily jump at the chance to do. I make sure to keep that in mind as I talk to different residents here and hear their stories. Last night I talked to Mary (28 yrs) and Peter (27yrs) , two of the youngest regulars here, for quite some time. They both were/are IV drug users who are back and forth with contemplation of sobriety. Mary's story is an example of how plain & simple bad luck can land you homeless, hungry, and substance-addicted. Long story short, she grew up in a rough household with siblings who were users (two of them have recently died of overdoses), and a mother who had no patience for her. Mary was in college, going for psychology, and got addicted to Oxycontins. The OC's led to stronger, more dangerous drugs, and lead her to the life she leads now. She has two young children who her mother has court ordered her not to be able to see (or talk to), and is trying to get sober so she can have visitation for her kids. She is also an example of how MOST homeless are dual-diagnoses; mental problems as well as drug problems. She's on all kinds of anti-psychotic, anti-anxiety, depression meds. The combination of the depression/anxiety, meds, worries about her children, keeps her on a path of drug seeking behavior. I could tell that she wants SO BAD to get out of it, but there is no support for her, and someone as unstable as she is is not going to be able to do it on her own. It really really REALLY shows me how important this kind of work is....
I was never a judgemental person to begin with, but when I go back into my normal semester routine in Madison, I am going to see homeless people in a COMPLETELY different light. I never was one to give them money, because I knew most were users. I will still stick to that, but, like Shuchi said, I'm going to see past the plastic cup and the cat-calls and remember the people in this shelter, and their stories, and their hopes for the future, and I'm going to make sure that I treat them all as human beings. I really am going to miss this place so much when we leave! I love knowing the residents on a name-to-name basis, knowing where they "hang out", their stories, etc. I am also going to miss BOSTON in general...I am officially in love with this city. Two nights ago we went to a hookah bar right near the shelter (when someone told Stevie (the Outreach guy) about the hookah bar, he thought we said HOOKER BAR. Obviously hookah is a new fad...!) Then we took the subway (which in itself was awesome, I didnt want to seem like a cheesy tourist because the Bostonians are definately used to subways, but I'd only seen subways in movies/TV!) to North Station, and got off right across from the Garden (the arena where the Celtics play). We took a look in the Garden, and then headed out with the crowd leaving the Celtics game. We found our way to a Litte Italy of sorts...probably was much cuter during the day but walking down dark, cobblestone, narrow streets at night was semi-sketch...but we made it! And found a cute bakery with yummy canolis & other desserts. Then today we took the bus to Harvard Square, which is basically the equivalent of State Street for Harvard. Lots of shops & restaurants. Harvard is BEAUTIFUL...makes me wish I was smarter!! (Kidding! I love Madison!) We found the Common area of Harvard Law School (the equivalent of our Memorial Union/Rathskeller). It was veeery fancy....as nice as it was, it made me realize how much I love the broken in wooden chairs and pitchers of beer at our Union! We also got icecream at J.P. Licks, a Boston-area icecream place that we've been told to try.
Its almost time for dinner....as much as we all keep throwing around ideas of going out to eat, the food at the shelter is surprisingly good!! We all have to help out serving the meal, and usually end up eating it too...plans for take-out dinner have been continuously falling through :) But it also is really rewarding to continue getting to know everyone at the shelter. Friday we have the entire day free so we will most likely do a nice, sit down, group dinner, as a last hoorah before we head back to the WI.
BYE!
Brit
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
some thoughts
This whole experience has been so enlightening. Coming from a world where I was so oblivious to such a thing, this is a really huge eye opener.
but all in all, idk what to say about this place...i think i have mixed feelings...soo these are people some have graduated from college, had bad mishaps fell into drugs alchohol and never got their life back together and lost everything. when a person loses hope, they lose a part of themselves. there is a guy named danny who has been telling me quite a bit of stuff. he went to college was in a frat, had an accounting degree, worked for a few years, then had an anierism (blood vessel poppin in the brain) --his marraige went downhill, got restricted from seeing his kids, couldnt work and was disabled for life...what does one do when they are in the situation--he kept drinking and when he coudnt pay the bills and drinking took a toll of him, that was it, he came here. and now he claims that its home here...he gets about $800 from the gov for his dissability every month--he eats out, goes to the bar,buys cigs lives the life...he doesnt want nething else in this life anymore- he doesnt care about neone or anything--its just him now. he goes to the bar everyday from 8 am to about 2:30 pm. drinks 7 beers and comes back, eats and reads and sleeps. He said that he doesnt drink everyday, but every other day. so, i asked him that why doesnt he just quit, and well he said that he has to be drinking in order to come back to the shelter.
Another guy we met was this kenyan dude. and, he just couldn't understand the fact that we were all here from our own will. that we came here for "fun" and not on some pre-requisite or for credits. we just wanted to see this kind of life. i guess in that perspective it sounds strange of how why ne one would want to see the miserable life of a homeless person and i guess that is what is most mind boggling for them. But, he did bring up a very good point, why the hell are we all here? what's our purpose? to see boston? to see screw ups and know never to have a life like that? In their eyes, how can one possibly be enjoying this? But, the truth of the matter is that we are all here to see the side of life that we have been completely oblivious and hidden to.
Personally speaking, I was completely oblivious to this lifestyle. Of course we have all seen it. I grew up in India, I have seen slums, I have seen how people live to survive in this world. I pass the streets of Chicago and Madison, and their are homeless everywhere. But, what do we do? pass them by, ignore them, and forget about them a second later. Why should i give my money to someone who was so irresponsible? But, I guess the biggest thing that i've understood is that which may seem really obvious and simple and is taken for granted is the fact that even if they are homeless, they are in no means lower than you. These people still have a heart, and you know what, they have good in them. They may be liars, robbers, ex-assaulters, addicts...etc. But, in the end of the day, they are just some people who got caught in some bad decisions or unfortunate events and are stuck in this lifestyle. So, the next time you pass a homeless person, say hi to them. Don't just ignore them, you don't need to give them money, but treat them as a human, someone who is the same level.But, back to the Kenyan guy. So, he came in to this country to become a pilot. He went to Austin for a masters in aviation. And, of course him being an international student and on a visa, he prob didn't get a job where they would sponsor him. So, he went to DC to live with his sister. And, with enough rejection on his shoulders, went thru a bunch of telemarketing and sales jobs, and fell into alcohol and drugs. And, now even if he gathered enough money to go back to Kenya, he couldn't. He left his country as a hero and now the expectations they had for him is beyond his reach completely. One point that I always have against this who thing is that you can always change if you put your mind to it. But, I guess for them, they don't have any support system. And, the 5 day detox program or any program is not enough to get them to quit completely. It needs to be in them to follow through and get help. And, to get that first initial pull to get out and change their life around, they need a major support to guide them. And, sometimes some people can handle without but most cant. And, then they just take the guide of their bottle for any support and leave any progress way far behind.
I talked to another guy, Link, and he is from Honduras. He had a crazy story as well of him trying to illegally come into the US. And, as he was passing Mexico to go to the US, he met this girl who eventually became his g/f and stayed wiht her for 8 years. And, after that relationship ended, he has been hitchhiking his way up through out the US. It's so crazy of how many things we don't hear or every know about. He was telling me about so many different busses and routes that get him get through illegally. It was kinda hard to follow his story too, because he went all over the place. That's another thing, these people know you know they are homeless. Yet, they will never act like it. They will make loopholes around the story to avoid the truth. You only want to say the things that you want to believe. It makes sense, why would they spill their failures to some stranger? But, neways, so Link has been living under a bridge for the past 6 years. And, the shelter has even gotten him frikin housing!!!!! the housing that people wait years adn years to get. And, they just got it for him flat out studio apartment completely free. And, you know what he absolutely refused. He would rather live under a bridge then live in a normal home. And, the thing with that is the bridge is his home. Like many others, he doesn't consider himself homeless. It's become a part of him, and to him, the bridge gives him freedom to live whatever way he wants.
Another guy I talked to was Leo. It was a very interesting as he started the conversation with the fact that everyone thinks he is a nut. And, then we debated whether he was insane or sane. And, in reality, one cannot really define such a term without comparing to what is considered normal. And, once again, how can one define being normal? What is normal? someone who is stable? intelligent? But, what if you were you were in a homeless shelter with a bunch of alcholics, would you still be normal in that environment? The fact is that we are all "sane" or "insane" in ourselves. It's what we want to be seen as. He is probably considered as a nut becuase he makes up stories and has a mental illness and is a chronic illness. But, come on, with a guy with so many failures, even if in reality he was sane, he would want people to think he was insane. Although his stories once again didn't seem to quite match up, he was just a man who wanted someone to hear him out. He was a victim of someone living in a life where he lost everything including his love. And, instead of doing something about it, he has fallen into the trap of having alchohol as his comfort zone. And then I told him my views on how I think if he puts his mind to it he can change and all my schpeel. And, this entire time that we got here I realized its really hard to make a difference around her. Our one week of stay in the shelter is not going to do nething. We cannot change any minds, we cannot change the system, the facts, nothing. We serve them, talk them for one week, and then we are gone out of their lives forever. but, that conversation just hit me. We were laughing, talking about so called "philosophical" things. Me acting like his psychiatrist. And, he said that you know what I will always remember you and this conversation. And, you know he may have still been drunk at the time, and he may not be trustworthy of his words, but the next morning, he repeated those exact same words. And, its just those things where I know that at least he'll remember the things i said. He doesn't have to follow any of them, but at least he'll remember.
So, me and Britanny went on the outreach the other day. And, some of things are really mind boggling. Like hearing about the whole housing process, and the social security bs is frkin crazzy. SO this social security thing: so if one person applies for it, they end up giving you a lump sum. So, they'll give the entire amount in your name in one check. Meaning a grand check of $40,000-60,000. Now imagine an addict getting such a grand check? What is he gonna do? The entire money ends up being wasted in booze, cigs, motels and bam, broke again. And, they don't get any assistance with manning thier money unless they are qualified as a mental disease patient. And, even if you wanted to put money in the bank, you can only put in $2000 in your account from social security!!!! $2000!!!! So that is pretty much telling them to waste their money.When it all comes down to it, its all just kinda depressing cus its hard to change anything. You can't help a person unless they get the urge to change. People like Danny who have claimed the shelter their home will never be helped until the day he decides he wants a different life. But, there is definetely so much hope.
All in all, this program is really great. We went to a tour with this lady Gwen, the director of Development for CASPAR. She showed us the many programs available. Half houses for men and women trying to get sober, facilities for working men/women to get them back on their feet, counseling, therapy, day shelters, food pantries---everything. There are so many resources to make sure that people are safe and don't die. We saw Pine Street today, which is a way bigger wet shelter than CASPAR. CASPAR has about a 100 beds, and Pine Street has 600. But, with such a huge shelter, it was just overwhelming to see that homelessness has become a business, a corporation. It was like a hotel, and everything about the numbers, the cost. Its just sucks that everything everything is dependent on gov funding, and as soon as even one bed isn't taken, funding decreases. The homeless population of Boston is 7000 and the shelter takes care of little over a thousand. And, the lady at Pine Street kept bringing up the fact that so many of their amazing programs will be cut due to the decreased gov funding. its just hard to know all that you know?But, besides all that, the thing that is really great is the fact that most of the employees were previous addicts, and some even used to live in the same shelters they work at now. Looking at those people, you know that there is hope. Homelessness/addiction is not hopeless at all. And, its just amazing to meet people like that and see what a great job that they are really doing.
Today i had to do maintenance. I actually had to broom the entire women's bathroom, women's dorm and then mop it. And, then i had to vaccum the cieling with a huge vaccum machine on my back looking like an idiot trying to get all the spots way up high in the cieling being my very tall ( 5'2) self. But, after a lot of sweat and labor, the guy who we worked for gave me a ring. It said "need for thanks" and he reiterated that fact, and how we should always stay in school. it sounds really cheesy, but after meeting so many people, its incredible how lucky we are. These people would kill to go to school to make that extra dollar, and live a little easier.and i guess i always judge people like that. But, it was just so real and sad and it hit me. We take money for granted, we take our lifestyle for granted, our wealth and comfort. People have to work so hard to make a living, It definetely puts things in perspective.
but all in all, idk what to say about this place...i think i have mixed feelings...soo these are people some have graduated from college, had bad mishaps fell into drugs alchohol and never got their life back together and lost everything. when a person loses hope, they lose a part of themselves. there is a guy named danny who has been telling me quite a bit of stuff. he went to college was in a frat, had an accounting degree, worked for a few years, then had an anierism (blood vessel poppin in the brain) --his marraige went downhill, got restricted from seeing his kids, couldnt work and was disabled for life...what does one do when they are in the situation--he kept drinking and when he coudnt pay the bills and drinking took a toll of him, that was it, he came here. and now he claims that its home here...he gets about $800 from the gov for his dissability every month--he eats out, goes to the bar,buys cigs lives the life...he doesnt want nething else in this life anymore- he doesnt care about neone or anything--its just him now. he goes to the bar everyday from 8 am to about 2:30 pm. drinks 7 beers and comes back, eats and reads and sleeps. He said that he doesnt drink everyday, but every other day. so, i asked him that why doesnt he just quit, and well he said that he has to be drinking in order to come back to the shelter.
Another guy we met was this kenyan dude. and, he just couldn't understand the fact that we were all here from our own will. that we came here for "fun" and not on some pre-requisite or for credits. we just wanted to see this kind of life. i guess in that perspective it sounds strange of how why ne one would want to see the miserable life of a homeless person and i guess that is what is most mind boggling for them. But, he did bring up a very good point, why the hell are we all here? what's our purpose? to see boston? to see screw ups and know never to have a life like that? In their eyes, how can one possibly be enjoying this? But, the truth of the matter is that we are all here to see the side of life that we have been completely oblivious and hidden to.
Personally speaking, I was completely oblivious to this lifestyle. Of course we have all seen it. I grew up in India, I have seen slums, I have seen how people live to survive in this world. I pass the streets of Chicago and Madison, and their are homeless everywhere. But, what do we do? pass them by, ignore them, and forget about them a second later. Why should i give my money to someone who was so irresponsible? But, I guess the biggest thing that i've understood is that which may seem really obvious and simple and is taken for granted is the fact that even if they are homeless, they are in no means lower than you. These people still have a heart, and you know what, they have good in them. They may be liars, robbers, ex-assaulters, addicts...etc. But, in the end of the day, they are just some people who got caught in some bad decisions or unfortunate events and are stuck in this lifestyle. So, the next time you pass a homeless person, say hi to them. Don't just ignore them, you don't need to give them money, but treat them as a human, someone who is the same level.But, back to the Kenyan guy. So, he came in to this country to become a pilot. He went to Austin for a masters in aviation. And, of course him being an international student and on a visa, he prob didn't get a job where they would sponsor him. So, he went to DC to live with his sister. And, with enough rejection on his shoulders, went thru a bunch of telemarketing and sales jobs, and fell into alcohol and drugs. And, now even if he gathered enough money to go back to Kenya, he couldn't. He left his country as a hero and now the expectations they had for him is beyond his reach completely. One point that I always have against this who thing is that you can always change if you put your mind to it. But, I guess for them, they don't have any support system. And, the 5 day detox program or any program is not enough to get them to quit completely. It needs to be in them to follow through and get help. And, to get that first initial pull to get out and change their life around, they need a major support to guide them. And, sometimes some people can handle without but most cant. And, then they just take the guide of their bottle for any support and leave any progress way far behind.
I talked to another guy, Link, and he is from Honduras. He had a crazy story as well of him trying to illegally come into the US. And, as he was passing Mexico to go to the US, he met this girl who eventually became his g/f and stayed wiht her for 8 years. And, after that relationship ended, he has been hitchhiking his way up through out the US. It's so crazy of how many things we don't hear or every know about. He was telling me about so many different busses and routes that get him get through illegally. It was kinda hard to follow his story too, because he went all over the place. That's another thing, these people know you know they are homeless. Yet, they will never act like it. They will make loopholes around the story to avoid the truth. You only want to say the things that you want to believe. It makes sense, why would they spill their failures to some stranger? But, neways, so Link has been living under a bridge for the past 6 years. And, the shelter has even gotten him frikin housing!!!!! the housing that people wait years adn years to get. And, they just got it for him flat out studio apartment completely free. And, you know what he absolutely refused. He would rather live under a bridge then live in a normal home. And, the thing with that is the bridge is his home. Like many others, he doesn't consider himself homeless. It's become a part of him, and to him, the bridge gives him freedom to live whatever way he wants.
Another guy I talked to was Leo. It was a very interesting as he started the conversation with the fact that everyone thinks he is a nut. And, then we debated whether he was insane or sane. And, in reality, one cannot really define such a term without comparing to what is considered normal. And, once again, how can one define being normal? What is normal? someone who is stable? intelligent? But, what if you were you were in a homeless shelter with a bunch of alcholics, would you still be normal in that environment? The fact is that we are all "sane" or "insane" in ourselves. It's what we want to be seen as. He is probably considered as a nut becuase he makes up stories and has a mental illness and is a chronic illness. But, come on, with a guy with so many failures, even if in reality he was sane, he would want people to think he was insane. Although his stories once again didn't seem to quite match up, he was just a man who wanted someone to hear him out. He was a victim of someone living in a life where he lost everything including his love. And, instead of doing something about it, he has fallen into the trap of having alchohol as his comfort zone. And then I told him my views on how I think if he puts his mind to it he can change and all my schpeel. And, this entire time that we got here I realized its really hard to make a difference around her. Our one week of stay in the shelter is not going to do nething. We cannot change any minds, we cannot change the system, the facts, nothing. We serve them, talk them for one week, and then we are gone out of their lives forever. but, that conversation just hit me. We were laughing, talking about so called "philosophical" things. Me acting like his psychiatrist. And, he said that you know what I will always remember you and this conversation. And, you know he may have still been drunk at the time, and he may not be trustworthy of his words, but the next morning, he repeated those exact same words. And, its just those things where I know that at least he'll remember the things i said. He doesn't have to follow any of them, but at least he'll remember.
So, me and Britanny went on the outreach the other day. And, some of things are really mind boggling. Like hearing about the whole housing process, and the social security bs is frkin crazzy. SO this social security thing: so if one person applies for it, they end up giving you a lump sum. So, they'll give the entire amount in your name in one check. Meaning a grand check of $40,000-60,000. Now imagine an addict getting such a grand check? What is he gonna do? The entire money ends up being wasted in booze, cigs, motels and bam, broke again. And, they don't get any assistance with manning thier money unless they are qualified as a mental disease patient. And, even if you wanted to put money in the bank, you can only put in $2000 in your account from social security!!!! $2000!!!! So that is pretty much telling them to waste their money.When it all comes down to it, its all just kinda depressing cus its hard to change anything. You can't help a person unless they get the urge to change. People like Danny who have claimed the shelter their home will never be helped until the day he decides he wants a different life. But, there is definetely so much hope.
All in all, this program is really great. We went to a tour with this lady Gwen, the director of Development for CASPAR. She showed us the many programs available. Half houses for men and women trying to get sober, facilities for working men/women to get them back on their feet, counseling, therapy, day shelters, food pantries---everything. There are so many resources to make sure that people are safe and don't die. We saw Pine Street today, which is a way bigger wet shelter than CASPAR. CASPAR has about a 100 beds, and Pine Street has 600. But, with such a huge shelter, it was just overwhelming to see that homelessness has become a business, a corporation. It was like a hotel, and everything about the numbers, the cost. Its just sucks that everything everything is dependent on gov funding, and as soon as even one bed isn't taken, funding decreases. The homeless population of Boston is 7000 and the shelter takes care of little over a thousand. And, the lady at Pine Street kept bringing up the fact that so many of their amazing programs will be cut due to the decreased gov funding. its just hard to know all that you know?But, besides all that, the thing that is really great is the fact that most of the employees were previous addicts, and some even used to live in the same shelters they work at now. Looking at those people, you know that there is hope. Homelessness/addiction is not hopeless at all. And, its just amazing to meet people like that and see what a great job that they are really doing.
Today i had to do maintenance. I actually had to broom the entire women's bathroom, women's dorm and then mop it. And, then i had to vaccum the cieling with a huge vaccum machine on my back looking like an idiot trying to get all the spots way up high in the cieling being my very tall ( 5'2) self. But, after a lot of sweat and labor, the guy who we worked for gave me a ring. It said "need for thanks" and he reiterated that fact, and how we should always stay in school. it sounds really cheesy, but after meeting so many people, its incredible how lucky we are. These people would kill to go to school to make that extra dollar, and live a little easier.and i guess i always judge people like that. But, it was just so real and sad and it hit me. We take money for granted, we take our lifestyle for granted, our wealth and comfort. People have to work so hard to make a living, It definetely puts things in perspective.
Monday, January 12, 2009
On-Foot Outreach
This morning Shuchi and I were the first to go on Outreach with the staff here at CASPAR. The Outreach program is pretty awesome; there are a few staff members who's only job is to go out into the community and talk with/help the homeless. Stevie is the main Outreach staff member, he's loud, blunt, and describes himself as a "social butterfly". He had a great story and I was lucky to listen to all of the advice he had to offer. He told me a lot about working Outreach in a bad neighborhood in Boston (apparently Cambridge is a lot softer), and several things about the field of human service itself. Kelly and Rick were the other two Outreach-ers, both young and new to the job but definately had their own individual experience in the field as well, and had a lot of information for us. Although my feet were freezing cold (who comes unprepared to Boston?? me...) I tried to soak up absolutely everything they were telling us, and also get a feel for the atmosphere of the homeless community. Stevie & his partners know all of the homeless people of the area; they took us to some core areas where the clients hang out. Something really valuable that I learned from Stevie, among the many things, was to "not try and save the world". In other words, don't walk around a community preaching to the homeless and telling them the way that they should lead their lives. Instead, inform them; be open and honest and tell them what you can offer them, but draw boundaries and don't let yourself get personally attached. As a person who is really emotionally driven, I am going to make sure that I keep those words with me, especially if I do go into the human service field as I am planning on doing. Something else I learned, which really opened my eyes to the work that we are doing, is that Stevie and Kelly were both addicts themselves. They both have been clean for years, and are now turning around to help people who are in the same position that they were in themselves. Kelly said that the resources provided to her from similar Outreach programs were a huge factor in her recovery, and she wants to be able to show the homeless that have substance abuse problems that they CAN clean up. I really hope I can talk with the three of them some more before we leave Boston, especially Stevie. You can have all the college experience in the world, but if you don't have common sense and street smarts, you may not last in such an intense field.
Last night some of our group went out to explore Harvard, and the rest of us stayed back after dinner to hang out and talk with the clients. A lot of the questions that I had about the shelter were answered just by having conversations with them. The staff does not let you into the shelter unless you openly admit that you have a substance problem or are under the influence of drugs or alcohol. Its really eye opening to look around and know that, no matter how normal or kind someone is, they are under the influence of something that now basically controls their life. I also found out a little more about government housing, i was interested because several residents have said that they are "on the list for housing", and apparently the only qualification that you need to have is to be homeless. Stevie told me that there are some flaws in the system; the government will give an apartment to someone that was homeless in the woods for 10 years and not follow up on them, which is not a safe OR permanent solution to their problem. Stevie also told me some stuff about Social Security, which apparently is something that several of the homeless in the area (and anywhere, I can imagine) are on. The problem with Social Security is that, once they are approved, some of these homeless people with drug/alcohol addictions are being given lump sums of thousands of dollars...and if they're not being given lump sums, they are given a monthly limit to how much $$ they can have in the bank (ex. one can not have over $2000 in the bank), which basically encourages them to spend petty cash on their addictions. It seems to me like a vicious cycle...with a government that can only be SO involved, and only give so much money, a real solution to the homeless problem seems very distant. It frustrates me, but at the same time it shows me how important the type of work that we are doing here is. If you can't beat it on a larger level (aka government), then do as much as you can on a smaller scale and hopefully make a difference in peoples lives yourself.
As attached as I can feel myself getting to all of the people that I have met here, I am glad that I was able to learn a lot from the Outreach staff and can hopefully look at this line of work (which is probably the direction I am headed!) from a perspective like theirs. As much as I miss Madison, I know I am going to be sad to leave next weekend!
Eat Your Heart Out,
Brit
Last night some of our group went out to explore Harvard, and the rest of us stayed back after dinner to hang out and talk with the clients. A lot of the questions that I had about the shelter were answered just by having conversations with them. The staff does not let you into the shelter unless you openly admit that you have a substance problem or are under the influence of drugs or alcohol. Its really eye opening to look around and know that, no matter how normal or kind someone is, they are under the influence of something that now basically controls their life. I also found out a little more about government housing, i was interested because several residents have said that they are "on the list for housing", and apparently the only qualification that you need to have is to be homeless. Stevie told me that there are some flaws in the system; the government will give an apartment to someone that was homeless in the woods for 10 years and not follow up on them, which is not a safe OR permanent solution to their problem. Stevie also told me some stuff about Social Security, which apparently is something that several of the homeless in the area (and anywhere, I can imagine) are on. The problem with Social Security is that, once they are approved, some of these homeless people with drug/alcohol addictions are being given lump sums of thousands of dollars...and if they're not being given lump sums, they are given a monthly limit to how much $$ they can have in the bank (ex. one can not have over $2000 in the bank), which basically encourages them to spend petty cash on their addictions. It seems to me like a vicious cycle...with a government that can only be SO involved, and only give so much money, a real solution to the homeless problem seems very distant. It frustrates me, but at the same time it shows me how important the type of work that we are doing here is. If you can't beat it on a larger level (aka government), then do as much as you can on a smaller scale and hopefully make a difference in peoples lives yourself.
As attached as I can feel myself getting to all of the people that I have met here, I am glad that I was able to learn a lot from the Outreach staff and can hopefully look at this line of work (which is probably the direction I am headed!) from a perspective like theirs. As much as I miss Madison, I know I am going to be sad to leave next weekend!
Eat Your Heart Out,
Brit
Bahhston!
We asked a group of MIT students for directions the other night and they asked where we were staying for the week. I think our response of, "a homeless shelter" definitely threw them off!
Many of the residents have been asking why we came here...are we getting credit? are we crazy? were we under the impression it was sunny and tropical in Boston? I don't think any of us can really articulate a reason, but I think by the end of the week we may have a better understanding of what lured us here.
In between helping out around the shelter and touring Boston, we have had a chance to talk with each other about our first impressions of the shelter. The conversations with the residents have been interesting. I kind of had this idea that as addicts, their stories would be really similar; that there is some kind of generic formula for becoming homeless. But the idea of a formula or recipe doesn't explain how accountants, lawyers, teachers, moms, dads, and grandparents end up as junkies with prison records. These conversations are kind of a rollercoaster because I feel a mixture of empathy and frustration. I understand people have hard times, and many of the people we have talked to want to make changes and turn their life around, but there are also a number of individuals who are completely content to spend the rest of their lives feeding their addictions and be free of responsibility.
Sometimes I am surprised by how much we have in common with some of the residents. One young woman is a big fan of Harry Potter and is finishing the last book. I guess a love for fictional wizards is universal! But unlike her, my first two copies of the last book were not seized by the police in drug busts. There is a gentleman who enjoys his morning coffee is his new Starbucks mug...a beverage I think any time-crazed college student appreciates in the morning. However, while I usually enjoy my daily dose of caffeine on the way to class, he sips his on the bus to an out-patient clinic where he needs to provide a daily urine sample so he can recieve treatment and counseling.
Many of the residents have been asking why we came here...are we getting credit? are we crazy? were we under the impression it was sunny and tropical in Boston? I don't think any of us can really articulate a reason, but I think by the end of the week we may have a better understanding of what lured us here.
In between helping out around the shelter and touring Boston, we have had a chance to talk with each other about our first impressions of the shelter. The conversations with the residents have been interesting. I kind of had this idea that as addicts, their stories would be really similar; that there is some kind of generic formula for becoming homeless. But the idea of a formula or recipe doesn't explain how accountants, lawyers, teachers, moms, dads, and grandparents end up as junkies with prison records. These conversations are kind of a rollercoaster because I feel a mixture of empathy and frustration. I understand people have hard times, and many of the people we have talked to want to make changes and turn their life around, but there are also a number of individuals who are completely content to spend the rest of their lives feeding their addictions and be free of responsibility.
Sometimes I am surprised by how much we have in common with some of the residents. One young woman is a big fan of Harry Potter and is finishing the last book. I guess a love for fictional wizards is universal! But unlike her, my first two copies of the last book were not seized by the police in drug busts. There is a gentleman who enjoys his morning coffee is his new Starbucks mug...a beverage I think any time-crazed college student appreciates in the morning. However, while I usually enjoy my daily dose of caffeine on the way to class, he sips his on the bus to an out-patient clinic where he needs to provide a daily urine sample so he can recieve treatment and counseling.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Goodmorning!
Woke up this morning to about 5 inches of snow, but its still warmer here than it is in Wisconsin!! Kyle and I served breakfast at around 5:30am, pretty simple continental stuff (cereal, bagels, coffee, etc). Got a chance to talk to a few more of the residents, many of whom are giving us some real helpful and kind advice on what to do on our down time in Boston. Everything kind of shuts down after breakfast, we're not sure if the residents are allowed to stay here during the day, or only when meals are being served. We just now went back into the kitchen to finish cleaning up and there were a lot of them sitting at tables playing cards, talking, etc. A lot of the residents have been telling us how they are on lists for housing, half way houses, etc, and that the shelter is only temporary for them. I'm interested in finding out what qualifies someone for a half way house and how long the wait for housing actually is. There are a handful of residents that seem pretty involved in the running of the shelter itself; while we were helping with breakfast, the same couple of guys kept coming in the kitchen to get coffee, clean dishes, and were letting us know how things normally are done. It seems like some of them are on a different level from the others, I was thinking that the ones that were helping out/knew how things run are the ones that stay here permanently. All in all I was very impressed at how organized and smoothly things are run; after each meal the kitchen has to be cleaned and the dining/recreational area as well (they wouldn't let me walk on the freshly mopped floors, they mean business!). I am really looking forward to hearing more of the stories of the homeless that come for lunch/dinner today.
We're hoping to go look around MIT/Harvard today, we'll see what the snow storm allows us to do!
Brit
We're hoping to go look around MIT/Harvard today, we'll see what the snow storm allows us to do!
Brit
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Goodnight!
Its 8:30pm on Saturday night, the rest of the group is out for icecream/exploring but I stayed back to head to bed early; Kyle and I are making/serving breakfast in the morning and the breakfast shift starts at 5:30am...not a normal rising time for us college kids but something that I can get used to!
The drive from Madison to Boston was definately an adventure...snow storms, semi's galore, wrong turns, but we made it. With a little help from coffee, 5 Hour Energy Shot, and pro-driving skills, Matt and I drove through New York last night from 1am-5am. Normally wouldn't recommend extensive caffeine consumption but I wanted to get my group here on time and in one piece!
A few of us helped prepare the meal tonight, and we all began meeting and talking with the residents here. I have to admit, I was a little intimidated as to what it would be like to socialize with the homeless that come here. Obviously all of us are very kind and understanding people, but I was worried about the glaring gap between our very priviledged lives and the lives of those that we are volunteering with. My fears went away almost immediately when we sat down to play cards and watch football with a few residents. Everyone who talked to us was so kind and very interested in Wisconsin, what the purpose of our trip was, and just talking to us in general. We met John, who is the "resident poet", an elderly guy who talked out ears off with his poems, and several other unique individuals, all with interesting stories of their own.
Even during the few hours we spent with them, my stereotypical idea of the homeless is beginning to change. Many of them grew up in nice areas, have children, went to college, etc. Its really eye opening to see how far poverty and homelessness really can reach. We all complain about the economy now, but the next time I start to complain about not having money to go out to eat, drink, etc., I'll surely stop and think about how lucky I really am.
I am SO excited to the next few days, to continue really getting to know all of the residents that pass through the doors, and learning as much as I can from them. John, our poet, brought out some cards/letters that were sent to him from former UW volunteers, telling him how much their time at the shelter meant to them, and how they'll never forget him. I can only hope that I can as rewarding an experience, and maybe leave my mark on the people here as well.
Time to catch up on sleep, no one likes a crabby/tired Brittany!
Goodnight!
Brit
The drive from Madison to Boston was definately an adventure...snow storms, semi's galore, wrong turns, but we made it. With a little help from coffee, 5 Hour Energy Shot, and pro-driving skills, Matt and I drove through New York last night from 1am-5am. Normally wouldn't recommend extensive caffeine consumption but I wanted to get my group here on time and in one piece!
A few of us helped prepare the meal tonight, and we all began meeting and talking with the residents here. I have to admit, I was a little intimidated as to what it would be like to socialize with the homeless that come here. Obviously all of us are very kind and understanding people, but I was worried about the glaring gap between our very priviledged lives and the lives of those that we are volunteering with. My fears went away almost immediately when we sat down to play cards and watch football with a few residents. Everyone who talked to us was so kind and very interested in Wisconsin, what the purpose of our trip was, and just talking to us in general. We met John, who is the "resident poet", an elderly guy who talked out ears off with his poems, and several other unique individuals, all with interesting stories of their own.
Even during the few hours we spent with them, my stereotypical idea of the homeless is beginning to change. Many of them grew up in nice areas, have children, went to college, etc. Its really eye opening to see how far poverty and homelessness really can reach. We all complain about the economy now, but the next time I start to complain about not having money to go out to eat, drink, etc., I'll surely stop and think about how lucky I really am.
I am SO excited to the next few days, to continue really getting to know all of the residents that pass through the doors, and learning as much as I can from them. John, our poet, brought out some cards/letters that were sent to him from former UW volunteers, telling him how much their time at the shelter meant to them, and how they'll never forget him. I can only hope that I can as rewarding an experience, and maybe leave my mark on the people here as well.
Time to catch up on sleep, no one likes a crabby/tired Brittany!
Goodnight!
Brit
Arrival
Hello to everyone back home. We made it? :-)
We arived in boston about an two hours ago (9pm eastern time.), with little troubles or mishaps. The weather was really only troublesome in Wisconsin and in Ohio. We made the (un)fortunate mistake of stopping to try and get a bite to eat in Gary, Indiana, which we now refer to as "America's armpit". We came through Cleveland late at night and didn't get to see much more than the stadium. Our drivers pushed themselves pretty hard to make up for lost time due to the weather, and we did make it to Niagara Falls as well, but it was unfortunately not lit up. Although we did get to get to a pretty close vantage point and look over to Canada.
Right now 6 of our group are napping, while Jay, Shuchi, and myself are all walking around the MIT campus and seeing what it has to offer. Everything is definitely very stylish and modern, but their main building that is equivalent to our Red Gym is insanely huge. Behind it there is a really great view of the city, and the bridge into downtown Boston. Actually for a school that only accepted 540 students this year...it's a huge campus. Their Student Center (union), is almost as big, if not bigger than U South.
We have the oppurtunity to start doing work with CASPAR tonight, or at least of a few of us are welcome to volunteer to serve dinner, but they are mostly just giving us this day to ourselves to rest up and see the city.
Eat your heart out,
Kyle
ps: prepare for Gary inside jokes.
We arived in boston about an two hours ago (9pm eastern time.), with little troubles or mishaps. The weather was really only troublesome in Wisconsin and in Ohio. We made the (un)fortunate mistake of stopping to try and get a bite to eat in Gary, Indiana, which we now refer to as "America's armpit". We came through Cleveland late at night and didn't get to see much more than the stadium. Our drivers pushed themselves pretty hard to make up for lost time due to the weather, and we did make it to Niagara Falls as well, but it was unfortunately not lit up. Although we did get to get to a pretty close vantage point and look over to Canada.
Right now 6 of our group are napping, while Jay, Shuchi, and myself are all walking around the MIT campus and seeing what it has to offer. Everything is definitely very stylish and modern, but their main building that is equivalent to our Red Gym is insanely huge. Behind it there is a really great view of the city, and the bridge into downtown Boston. Actually for a school that only accepted 540 students this year...it's a huge campus. Their Student Center (union), is almost as big, if not bigger than U South.
We have the oppurtunity to start doing work with CASPAR tonight, or at least of a few of us are welcome to volunteer to serve dinner, but they are mostly just giving us this day to ourselves to rest up and see the city.
Eat your heart out,
Kyle
ps: prepare for Gary inside jokes.
Friday, January 9, 2009
Goodbye Madison!
We're all currently at the union, staring out at the ever so amazing weather ahead of us. Weather channel shows a winter weather watch pretty much the entire route out. Nobody is opposed to a possible hotel stop.
The vans however are extremely nice state vans. Pretty much brand new, and we're all excited about that!
Off to Boston!
Thursday, January 8, 2009
The Day Before
Hello World!
It is the day before the trip and we've decided to create this blog to allow anyone in the group at anytime with internet access to share their thoughts and news during the trip. I'll be sending out invitations to everyone to become blog authors and get going.
See everyone tonight for dinner!
Kyle
It is the day before the trip and we've decided to create this blog to allow anyone in the group at anytime with internet access to share their thoughts and news during the trip. I'll be sending out invitations to everyone to become blog authors and get going.
See everyone tonight for dinner!
Kyle
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